I See You

I have known a friend of mine for more than ten years.

I am a little ashamed to say that for all those years, my feeling toward her stayed faint. Not fondness, not dislike, just an ordinary friend. But this summer, it was as if, for the first time, I truly saw her.

I saw how much she loves children. Not only her own, but others' children too. She often takes all of our little ones out to play, so naturally, with such patience. The children all want to be near her. And in that moment I suddenly felt what a kind and loving person she is. Those of us around her were all moved, and all wanted to see her again.

This stayed with me for a long time. Why was it that the same person, whom I had known for over ten years, I only truly saw this summer, saw her kindness.

And slowly I understood. The sea is like a mirror, and all things are a reflection. The things we see outside ourselves are, in truth, reflections of what is within.

I could see my friend's kindness because, in this moment, there was that same kindness in my own heart. I could be moved by her love because I, too, had begun to understand love. If my heart had been cold, and empty, I would likely not have seen her goodness at all, nor been moved by her.

It turns out that the her I saw was, in truth, also myself.

And slowly I came to see that truly seeing a person this way is often the moment a bond begins.

Looking back on my life, the bonds that mattered seem all to have begun in some moment of truly seeing each other. In that moment, heart meeting heart, the bond was born.

But bonds are something that gather and scatter, grow deep and grow faint. Some people, once so close, drift away before you know it. Perhaps my own heart has changed, or perhaps it is simply that, for this season, the time has not yet come.

And I have slowly learned not to force it, nor to blame anyone. When a bond comes, I cherish it well; when it fades, I quietly let it go. It is not that anyone is at fault. Bonds simply have their own coming and going. Let all things follow their course.

And slowly I came to understand something.

To see, sometimes, is not for the sake of changing anything.

I saw this friend, and through her, I saw myself. I do not need to rush to change her, nor to rush to change myself. I only see, and then accept all that I have seen.

And in that moment of quietly seeing, I felt that I had, perhaps, grown a little once more.

It turns out that a person's true growth is not in turning outward to change others, but in turning inward, and little by little, coming to see oneself. And toward the bonds that come and go, it is to let them follow their course, and let all be as it will.

Marie, Founder of Lyfairs