Those Who Give First

Something suddenly became clear to me. Why the people who are willing to give first so often live a whole life of abundance.

It's because they are in accord with the Tao, in accord with the way this universe moves.

I've slowly come to see that within each of us live two selves.

One is the instinctive self. It seeks gain and avoids loss, it's anxious, it's afraid, always fixed on what's right in front of it. For a little gain in the moment, it often leads us to make short-sighted judgments, sometimes even against our own conscience. And later, we regret them.

The other is the true self. It is quiet, it sees far, it knows what is right. It isn't in a hurry to gain, and it isn't afraid to lose a little now.

Inamori Kazuo said something I deeply agree with. He said, don't let that instinctive, gain-seeking self rise above the true self. Because the instinctive self walks by what's immediate, while the true self, though slower, though it may look like it's losing out, is in tune with that greater law of selflessness. And so, in the end, it goes further, and it goes right.

This is really what I came to understand a few days ago too. To be like water, quiet, unmoved by the things right in front of me, being my true self. That quiet self, the one that isn't shaken, is the true self.

Once I understood this, I saw why those who give first become abundant.

Look at nature. It always gives first. The sun shines first, asking nothing in return. The earth brings forth all things first, and only then is there a harvest. Water nourishes first, and only then is there life. The very way the universe moves is giving, flowing, circulating, not grasping, hoarding, calculating. A person who gives first is moving in the same direction as the sun, and the water. She goes with that great current, and so things flow, and so she is abundant.

Those who only want to take first, to calculate first, are moving against that current. Grasping is a kind of tightness, a fear that there will never be enough. It's like swimming against the water. Of course it's tiring, of course it's hard. Even if they take a great deal, their hearts can never feel abundant.

Later I understood one more layer.

A person can give first because her heart already holds that fullness. It's because she first feels she has enough, more than enough, that she can give at all. So giving is really the result of abundance, not its cause.

True abundance was never the number in a bank account. It's that full heart, the one that feels it has enough, and still has some to share. With a heart like that, even if there's a little less money for now, even if business is slower, you are abundant all the same. Because this kind of abundance, no one can take from you.

Still, I remind myself, to give first should be like the sun, like water.

The sun shines first, but it won't put itself out to please a cloud that covers it. Water nourishes all things, but it won't let a single stone force it to empty itself. Giving that is truly in accord with the Tao flows out fully and naturally, toward the places it should go, to the people who are worthy of it. Not drained dry, not emptied out under pressure.

The first kind makes you more abundant the more you give. The second only leaves you tired, and hurt.

So I think, to be a person who gives first is a good thing. Only remember, to give fully, like the sun, while still keeping your own center. A giving like that is what makes a whole life abundant.

Speaking of this, I think of a piece by Gordon Gu, the Spray Coat Rack.

It's made of glacier crystal, and its whole form is like a spray of water, bursting and blooming outward. I love it because its posture is exactly what giving looks like to me. It doesn't curl inward, or clutch. It reaches outward, it opens, it stretches itself out and gives. And it's also a coat rack, standing quietly by the door, catching your coat, offering you that small ease as you come home.

To give outward, and quietly to receive. I think this is the most beautiful form of a person who gives first. And it's the way I want to live.